As a child, I always felt that I lacked confidence. Even now, in some situations I find that I do not measure up to my expectations. Yet, I have always admired confident people and I continue to do.
Considering that Confidence is a very importance part of our lives, I often contemplate about it.
This happened at the Delhi Airport. I had checked-in well in advance, as per my habit. I was waiting to board the flight to Mumbai. As usual I was looking around to find confident people. There were many men and women well dressed, upright and looking satisfied with their lives. But there was one gentleman who appeared exceptional. He was immaculately dressed in a dark grey suit. His broad shoulders and Â with his chin-up added to his confident look. As I was brooding the flight was announced and we all boarded the plane.
It was a comfortable smooth flight. All the usual things – the in flight safety demonstrations, service of snacks, tea and coffee went off very well. Soon it was the time to reach Mumbai. The air-hostess announced that the plane would land at Mumbai airport in a few minutes. Then something happened. Instead of descending the plane went up and started going round in circles. After about ten minutes everyone got restless. People were looking around and trying to understand what was happening. I closed my eyes and started praying. Still, the plane continued to hover in mid-air.
Suddenly, I thought of this very confident tall man I saw at the Delhi airport. Looking around I found that he was perhaps the most restless soul on the flight at that moment. He was holding his handkerchief in one hand furiously wiping the perspiration, sometimes from the forehead and sometimes from his cheeks. With closed eyes he was looking up and down. At times he would put his hand in the pocket, as if he were trying to search for something. I could see all this because he occupied an aisle seat on the opposite side just two rows behind. In my futile endeavor of observing him, I had somehow forgotten my fears.
And then the Pilot came out of his cabin, walked to the middle of gangway, and stopped there. He did something and then went back. Shortly thereafter another landing announcement was made. The plane landed safely and all of us got down.
I realized that the confidence of a person is not only about posture, looks, and dress. A dressed, and the way he behavior, it is something more. In fact, a lot more. Real confidence is tested when there is a crisis how you remain cools at the time.
I realized that the confidence of a person is not only about posture, looks, dress and behavior, but it is something more. In fact, a lot more! Real confidence is tested when there is a crisis. How you remain cool at the time of crisis shows how confident you are.
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Just think of driving a car. You have to use controls to drive you straight when you are driving. Mainly, you use steering wheel, accelerator & breaks. There are other facilities like horn, signals, rear view mirror etc. When you are dealing with difficult people, you have to follow 3 critical steps. These are: i) stay calm ii) find help and iii) debrief.
- In heavy traffic you tend to lose your cool. Likewise, with a difficult person you have a tendency to become impatient. Don’t do that. Stay calm.
- You may try to find help. Someone who you think can guide you or act as a mediator to avoid confrontations.
- In the complex life today, it’s prudent to have a mentor. A mentor has no conflicting interests with you. All he looks for is helping you. After you have faced the difficult person with whatever results, it is useful to discuss the entire situation with your mentor.
Don’t treat your opponent as your enemy. Respect his/her dignity and the results will be good. And for that just do the following:
- Listen attentively. Let them talk and you should just listen. Often the opponents will not open their cards but when you listen attentively you may be able to discover the hidden agenda which will help you to deal with him/her. Besides, people want to be listened to. They want to talk.
- Don’t hurt their dignity. Respect their ego. When you don’t respect you opponent the situation will only go from bad to worse. This needs to be avoided so that there is no escalation of the problem.
- Don’t judge people. Try to understand than before forming you opinion about them. When you have already formed an opinion, there are chances that you will not try discovering the hidden need of the opponent. Therefore keep your mind open and do not judge.
- When the tempers run high allow opponent to calm down. Your help will soften his stubborn intentions to some extent. Besides, you cannot discuss, much less negotiate, when the tempers run high.
Respect Nature which has made all human beings individuals No two people are alike; not in their physical attributes but much less in their mental makeup. Thus, it would be a sheer folly to assume a particular method to deal with one difficult person will also work when we are dealing with another. Just like one size does not fit all, one type of response will not solve problem with another. We need to contemplate solution after clearly understanding the situation and the concerned person.
Tit for tat was an old school story. Leave it behind. It doesn’t work anymore. Times have changes dramatically and now these are changing faster than ever. So every situation needs a specific strategy suited to the occasion. Don’t return anger with anger. Intimidation is freely used and abused. More importantly if you lose your cool, you will not be able to use tact to your advantage.
Further, you must not try to justify your actions and act defensively. This may only aggravate the problem. Acting defensively will make you weaker. The best strategy is let the opponent puff out their steam. Better sense will prevail sooner than later.
Lastly don’t ever try to win an argument. As they say when you win an argument, you lose a friend.
Thanks for reading.
Speech which doesn’t influence is without any significance and is best avoided. The speech has been a subject of importance ever since the society became cultured. The great speakers were poor speakers at one time. It is a myth that speech or powerful speaking is a God-given quality. The nature of speech is dynamic and can be developed with personal efforts. The capacity and talent of great speech must be created. One needs to buckle down. It’s better to hone your speaking skills under direction of a capable coach.
Public Speaking is not a need for just for the political pioneers or motivational speakers. The capability in this ability should be produced by everybody who needs to advance and who needs to keep up his/her confidence. The idea is presently stretched out even to talking one on one or to a gathering or to your relatives.
The hidden characteristics required are:
1. Articulation: It alludes to the lucidity in discourse. One must be in a situation to express obviously whatever is there as a main priority. Syllables can be articulated accurately just with the skilled utilization of discourse organs.
2. Speech Organs: We have 5 discourse organs. These are: jaw, tongue, teeth, lips and palette. Wherever some of these are not utilized enough, lucidity is traded off.
3. Eye Contact: The speaker needs to hold the consideration of the audience/audience members. This can be accomplished by looking at the gathering of people. You should associate whether you are addressing one individual or to a huge crowd. Keeping up an eye to eye connection is vital.
4. Coordination between mind and speech: Human cerebrum thinks 10 times quicker than the discourse. Coordination between the brain and speech is of prime significance. Intermittently the speaker is at a misfortune to locate the correct word. While talking it causes bobbles amid the discourse. This occurs because of insufficient coordination. It can be accomplished with training.
Age, no bar!
It is a deception that the ability should be produced at a beginning period. Age is no bar to create convincing talking ability. Here I might want to relate a current contextual investigation.
One of my understudies (in his late 60s) said that amid his life he never could address in excess of 1 individual at once. A jeweler by calling, he resigned and gave over the business to his children. With a desire to offer back to the general public, he began a NGO. Because of his contacts, he could accumulate enough subsidizes. His commitment to the reason empowered him to do great work in his town in Gujarat. At whatever point a task would be finished he would confront the “most concerning issue in his life”. Constantly individuals would request that he say few words and that was the “most serious issue”.
In light of the aforementioned impulse, he was persuaded to take in broad daylight talking in the wake of resigning from business. A powerful urge empowered him to rehearse hard. In this manner he took an interest in different courses and now he is an expert public speaker.
Life has changed. It is moving to a great degree quick. Snail mail has been supplanted by email. Eager business pioneers need things to happen ‘yesterday’. Telecom upset and web has changed the guidelines of the diversion so far as correspondence is concerned.
Four Possibilities of Communication:
Presently let us look at four conceivable blends of talking and tuning in. This will empower us to comprehend what correspondence can do to our lives and to our association.
Possibility No 1: Effective talking however poor tuning in.
In the event that this is the pioneer’s qualities the outcomes could be as under:
It will build your core interest. You may have produced great devotees and great fighters. Be that as it may, the potential pioneers will take off. There will be for all intents and purposes no development. Feelings of anxiety will likewise be increments.
Probability No 2: Effective talking and undivided attention.
This is the ideal blend for the Leader. The focal point of the pioneer and of the association will stay in the front line. Things will happen quickly. Devotion of representatives will increment. Utilization of brain and capacity to appreciate the work will acquire more leaps forward, more advancement. Individuals will work together with each other and furthermore contend with each other. The best will bloom with the pioneer’s powerful discourse and undivided attention. An environment of maintainable initiative will win.
Possibility No. 3: Poor talking however undivided attention.
It will add up to absence of core interest. Additionally, exercise in futility and cash. There will be pushed on administration by boards of trustees. Individuals may get the feeling that anything goes.
In the interim, undivided attention will likewise bring about positives. The worker will turn out to be more self-communicated. Use of brain by them will increment. There would be more noteworthy advancement.
Plausibility No. 4: Poor talking and poor tuning in.
It will be only moderate demise. The demise of material factories can be credited to this disorder. Misjudging, clashes will run, and openings will be remembered fondly. There would be a high rate of wearing down. Separation will bring about fracture lastly elimination.
Simply scrutinizing the above conceivable outcomes would shake us from our sleep. The significance of correspondence will then be completely figured it out. In this way, I will manage the two parts of correspondence – great talking and great tuning in.
Great or Effective Speaking:
As a matter of first importance, it is necessary to have solid substance. Content is the King. Viable correspondence considers more than some other part of administration or even life. Content means space learning. You can’t trick individuals with shallow contemplations, substantially less awe them. A ton of diligent work goes into procuring learning. The most serious issue is seen when you have beneficial learning yet you can’t utilize it further bolstering your good fortune because of the absence of compelling discourse. Your appearance stays debilitated. Individuals would scarcely realize that you are a storage facility of valuable data.
At that point, what would it be a good idea for you to do? Turn into a decent speaker. Practice the craftsmanship and exploration of talking obviously, unhesitatingly and convincingly.
How would you talk unmistakably? You should comprehend that discourse is the aftereffect of choice to convey. In the first place thought clears up the thought you need to extend to the audience or to a gathering of audience members. At that point the mind sends a flag to the lungs and some breath is discharged. Breath strikes the vocal harmonies to deliver sound. However, the words are made by the discourse organs. So with a specific end goal to talk unmistakably, think obviously. Develop profound breathing with the goal that the lungs have adequate breath to help the quality of your voice. This will likewise empower you to talk longer sentences without taking in the middle. The stream of discourse will empower thoughts to stream easily.
Correspondence does not mean just viable talking. Actually, it is the starting point. In any case, considerably more imperative is undivided attention. Undivided attention will realize the outcomes that you are searching for when you are speaking with somebody or a gathering of audience members. How might you impact others? By tuning in, rather than by talking. How would you discover whether you are a decent motivator to your audience or not? I give beneath a check list which is plain as day:
Don’t consider what you will state next when someone else is talking. Simply center on understanding and acclimatizing what he/she needs to state.
You must tune in with a receptive outlook. Try not to attempt to co-relate your own particular comparable experience when somebody is relating a story in help of his contention. You propensity to assess ought to be given an interruption. Never be judgmental, as it’s been said.
When you are tuning in, endeavor to reproduce rationally what the other individual is stating unbiased.
Try to see things from the speaker’s perspective. Understand be merciful while tuning in.
Try to reveal the plan of the speaker. All speakers may not be laconic. Their verbosity may require some additional your part to comprehend the goal. Endeavor.
Think what comes about you can deliver through listening instead of through talking. In the event that you need to impact individuals, you will be flabbergasted to watch how listening proves to be useful.
Listen a moment longer than it is agreeable. That additional moment will give you additional info. Regardless, you are having a discourse for understanding the other’s perspective.
Last yet not the slightest, you should recall that your expressions of counsel will be viewed as baseless clamor. Never give a guidance unless requested. On the off chance that you are not persuaded and the circumstance requests that you should express your perspectives, do that idiom – we settle on a truce!
Think before you talk:
Older folks used to state that straightforward old ‘idioms’ can control you to carry on with a fruitful life. One such saying in Hindi is “Pehle Tol Phir Bol”.
Strict interpretation in English would be “First measure at that point talk”.
Strict English interpretation is somewhat unbalanced and does not pass on the plan. “Think before you talk” as well, as indicated by me doesn’t convey a similar importance and is fairly ineffectual. “Before talking a couple of words one must think about the impacts and their future effect” seems to pass on the idea behind the same, however it doesn’t appear to convey conviction.
Why there is such a great amount of significance of ‘considering’ or reflecting before talking? What number of us is extremely following this straightforward standard? It is said that the tongue which is the main organ of discourse mends greatly quick. In any case, the injuries that it can make in the brain of the audience at times never recuperate.
Discourse Blemishes that Wreck Confidence
Discourse was never as essential as it is currently. Today, it’s vital that business pioneers must have the capacity to talk plainly and viably. There are various discourse imperfections which cause shame while making introductions. Now and again an official in a critical discussion gets himself/herself not exactly ‘up to the stamp’. This is best stayed away from. I list underneath 7 of the imperfections which should be tended to.
Lack of lucidity in discourse: Often times we find that the discourse of a man isn’t as eloquent as it ought to be. At some point they talk too quick; in some cases they murmur a few words in a sentence. Despite the fact that general message is imparted however clarity becomes a missing virtue.
Thanks for reading.
3 Prime Parameters of Public Speaking.
Public Speaking has been considered very important ever since society started its cultural journey, hundreds of years ago. But Public Speaking is difficult and the public speaker faces many problems, real and assumed ones.
Today, I will talk about three chief parameters of an effective speech. These three form the litmus test of a good speech.
We need just to remember three words- Ethos Pathos and Logos. These Latin words are easy to remember. It was Greek philopber and speaker Cicero who gave the speaking fraternity these 3 dictums which hold ground even after hundreds of years.
What is Ethos? It is your credibility. Ethos tells the audience that you are chosen to speak to them on a particular subject because you are the most deserving candidate at that moment. Unless you are a celebrity and unless the host has adequately introduces you, it falls upon your shoulders to inform and convince the audience that you are a great choice. You can do this by talking about your experience, about your being fully conversant with the subject and by quoting reference of positive feedbacks that you might have received.
Pathos is the need of your audience. What are they looking for from the presentation you have promised to make? You may also like to know the number of people and their profile. Besides, you can understand from your research what will interest those most? The host is equally interested in making the event worth its while. So having a chat about what you are going to speak and what the audience expects from you will be time well spent. Acquire such information sooner than later. It will help you to prepare your speech well in advance. Even a highly rated public speaker need to give orientation to his speech after defining the audience. Until you become such a speaker that whatever you speak is happily accepted.
Logos: Lastly I will explain about meaning of Logos. It implies how well you construct your arguments. Whatever you speak has to be supported by some examples and by some logical arguments. These have to be convincing and interesting. But you have to look at these from the point of view of your audience. You have to step into their shoes to understand it well. More importantly, the audience or the majority people in the audience should be able to connect with your statements.
And of course you have to speak clearly in a well modulated voice.
Thanks for reading.
We all have to make presentations these days. Presentations, when we have to speak in Public. Undoubtedly, it is difficult and often avoided slyly. There could be various reasons, but the foremost among them is ‘Stage Fright’. Primarily stage fright occurs because of inadequate preparation and/or because of faulty preparation.
Today, I will give you 3 important tips which will help you to prepare a good presentation.
Be clear about Objective:
The first tip is that you must be clear about your objective. Why you have been asked to speak on the subject and why you have accepted the invitation? Both must be understood and realized. The best thing is to write it down. What is the expectation of your audience is something of cardinal importance. So, contemplate on it and note down the main points. It may require you to define the group, the profile, age group, gender mix, no of people, likes and dislikes or whatever other information you can gather.
Content is the King:
The next and critical step is the content. Even when you know the subject very well, you have to modify it every time you speak regarding the same subject. Redesign it, keeping in view your new audience and their objectives. Content is the king. It you don’t have anything significant to say, anything which will improve then knowledge or something they can use in their daily life; then keep your mouth shut. In short, there must be good amount of takeaway from your speech for your audience.
The third but most important part of your speech is your ability to express yourself effectively. Never think of impressing anyone. But you just have to express yourself. You should be able to communicate exactly what you have in mind. You are already clear about your objective and the objective of your audience. You have already gather information which will interest them. You already know what you are going to give them as takeaways. But if you lose out in holding their attention, if your audience is not hooked by you on the subject, all knowledge might get wasted.
So, the third and the vital tip is master your verbal skills.
Thanks for reading.
The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable. There are more things to alarm us than to harm us, and we suffer more often in apprehension than reality.
-Seneca 4 B.C.? 65 A.D.
Anxiety is the worst habit of human personality. In fact one only needs to be concerned about any untoward situation, but that should never lead us to worry about anything that may happen. It is said that the fear of death is worse than death. Often, many fatal mistakes may also be made because of fear of uncertainty.
Anxiety is also called the parent of many sins. In spite of the fact that we all know that negative thinking, worry or anxiety never help, yet we fall prey to these atrocious daemons. In a world where everything is doubtful, and where we may be disappointed, and yet at times be blessed in the very disappointment, why this restless stir and commotion of mind? Can it alter the cause? No. Can it unravel the mystery? No. Can these negative habits resolve any of our woes? No. Then why do we become the cause of our own sufferings?
The reason is not far to seek. The idiotic rat race that we are run like marathon runners is the main culprit.
So we are all stressed. We don’t like anything. Further even we may start thinking that the life doesn’t have any significance and therefore it’s an unnecessary burden.
That makes stress management a critical subject of personal management and business management. Due to the ever pervading stress, we lose touch with literature arts and all other finer things of life which act as the stress busters or which may even change our negative attitude which makes anybody’s life miserable.
Other reasons of stress are as below:
Because of the impossible targets the company you are working for; you are expected to achieve. In turn, you lose perspective and don’t care fore the work life balance. You only slog for achieving your sales or other such performance targets.
Thus the professional, today, has only one goal for which he has to slog day and night and that is keeping the job secure which is necessary to run your family, to make both ends meet somehow.
Due to no break from the rut, efficiency drastically suffers and the pressure on poor man increases. The business owner doesn’t realize this. There is a stark competition out there and the CEO has to produce numbers to satisfy his hungry business owners who are always concerned with the valuation of the company.
After day’s hard work, when he returns home the only entertainment, he turns to is television. Unfortunately instead of receiving any solace, he is bombarded with only negative news. Negative news about rapes, murders, scams, fatal accidents and the like. These are all delivered in high voltage manner where reporters compete with one another to use high pitch mind disturbing voice. After all they only concerned with the TRPs.