Anger

Negative Emotions

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Five types of Negative Emotions which may wreck your Life

First of all, we must understand what are negative emotions. What is the meaning of negative emotion? As human beings we are bound to feel happy or sad with situations or while interacting with people. Impact of such situation or such interaction is emotion. These emotions can be positive or negative. Positive emotions will make us feel happy. Negative emotions on the other side make us feel sad and unhappy. Both these categories of emotions are a part of human life. Both have a role to play. When these are left uncontrolled both these emotions do not help humans. In fact, they tend to add problems in the life which have to be dealt with.
So what should we do?
We must be self-aware and monitor our emotions at all time. What are the examples of negative emotions. Negative emotions are of five types. These are: sadness, anxiety, anger, guilt and shame or embarrassment. Let us examine each of these five types of negative emotions.

Sadness:

This is an emotion which hardly has any positive effect on life. In fact it saps away the time that we lose because of this negative emotion. Except for the fact that we have possibility to contemplate and experience nostalgia, there is no other gain from the emotion of sadness. It reduces energy. It reduces your desire to follow goals. You start feeling that there is no significance of life. If the sadness continues you lose your interest in life.

How to come out of this negative emotion?

The best way is to start doing something interesting. For example if you are fond of painting, start a new picture. If you are fond of singing, start practicing a new song. If you are a health freak, it is time that you start doing some exercise. In short don’t sit and spend away your valuable time in remaining sad.

Anxiety:

Next on the list is Anxiety. Some people may say that anxiety helps you to analyse the situation. It prepares you to meet the challenge ahead. It forces you to do all the preparation that you need to face new situation or a challenge. This is an example of self satisfying assumption. Anxiety will have a negative effect on your brain. Anxiety affects your ability to decide. And it should not be mistaken for need to prepare for meeting any situation. That does not require anxiety. It requires only your decisive thinking and discipline.  Anxiety will only causes stress which will affect your productivity. Whenever you are anxious for a particular challenge which has cropped up in your life the best way is to sit down and write what are the possibilities. You have always to make a choice. If you don’t decide even that will add to your anxiety.

Anger:

The third type of negative emotion is Anger. Anger is the negative emotion which can be used to your advantage. But it will happen only if you are keen to use it. Keen to use Anger to motivate you to do something which you have been postponing. Anger also needs to be in control. When in control you can be sure that it will give you greater energy to face the situation which is difficult and which requires all concentrated effort. However if you think that Anger by itself will help you, if you think that it will solve your problem by itself, you are sadly mistaken. Unbridled anger can cause havoc. It will increase your stress and generate further negative emotions like vengeance or enmity and the like. So, you should be cautious that anger should not be allowed to rule over you. You should only think of using the situation or using this powerful emotion for furthering your course. It definitely enhances your motivation. It definitely increases your willpower to resolve the problem. But as I said earlier you must be in control of your anger. You should not allow anger to have control on you.

Guilt:

Fourth type of negative emotion is guilt. It is generated by your inner self. It happens when you feel that you have done something which you ought not to have done. It is indicative of lack of discipline on your part. It is indicative that you are tempted by small things. It is indicative that you have lesser control on yourself. It is indicative of the weakness of one’s character. How can we use this emotion to our advantage? We should remain self-aware and we should think before doing anything. Over the period you have realized that certain things which you did in the past, left the curse the feeling of guilt. It means that if you are shirking away from your responsibilities, you will have the feeling of guilt. So if you question yourself that you must avoid the negative feeling of guilt which will cause a negative effect on my health, on your thinking, on you brain, you may help yourself to avoid such inaction or even action which you feel will cost you dearly.

Shame or Embarrassment:

Last but not the least we should talk about shame or embarrassment. This negative feeling or emotion demolish our self-confidence. It can reduce our self esteem. This may not be entirely due to your character blemishes. It may be due to environment. Oftentimes there are some incidents where your peers or colleagues or others deliberately try to embarrass you. So what should you do? Whenever you are likely to face such a situation you have to prepare yourself. Maybe you remind one previous occasion when some people misbehaved with you. At that time recall what was your conduct. What was your reaction? How did you deal with the situation? Recall, if you had not handled it properly and that became the cause of embarrassment. You can plan out a different response. In any case if you want to avoid embarrassment which is affecting your personality, you have to do some kind of preparation. In life, if you want to be successful, you have to always prepare for challenging situations. Never be shy of preparation. Never think that you can handle anything and everything because of your ego. Ego has absolutely no place in life except when you mean self-confidence when you’re talking about ego
Thanks for reading.
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4 Secret rules to dead with Difficult People

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Rule One:

Just think of driving a car. You have to use controls to drive you straight when you are driving. Mainly, you use steering wheel, accelerator & breaks. There are other facilities like horn, signals, rear view mirror etc. When you are dealing with difficult people, you have to follow 3 critical steps. These are: i) stay calm ii) find help and iii) debrief.

  • In heavy traffic you tend to lose your cool. Likewise, with a difficult person you have a tendency to become impatient. Don’t do that. Stay calm.
  • You may try to find help. Someone who you think can guide you or act as a mediator to avoid confrontations.
  • In the complex life today, it’s prudent to have a mentor. A mentor has no conflicting interests with you. All he looks for is helping you. After you have faced the difficult person with whatever results, it is useful to discuss the entire situation with your mentor.

Rule Two:

Don’t treat your opponent as your enemy. Respect his/her dignity and the results will be good. And for that just do the following:

  1. Listen attentively. Let them talk and you should just listen. Often the opponents will not open their cards but when you listen attentively you may be able to discover the hidden agenda which will help you to deal with him/her. Besides, people want to be listened to. They want to talk.
  2. Don’t hurt their dignity. Respect their ego. When you don’t respect you opponent the situation will only go from bad to worse. This needs to be avoided so that there is no escalation of the problem.
  3. Don’t judge people. Try to understand than before forming you opinion about them. When you have already formed an opinion, there are chances that you will not try discovering the hidden need of the opponent. Therefore keep your mind open and do not judge.
  4. When the tempers run high allow opponent to calm down. Your help will soften his stubborn intentions to some extent. Besides, you cannot discuss, much less negotiate, when the tempers run high.

Rule Three:

Respect Nature which has made all human beings individuals No two people are alike; not in their physical attributes but much less in their mental makeup. Thus, it would be a sheer folly to assume a particular method to deal with one difficult person will also work when we are dealing with another. Just like one size does not fit all, one type of response will not solve problem with another. We need to contemplate solution after clearly understanding the situation and the concerned person.

Rule Four:

Tit for tat was an old school story. Leave it behind. It doesn’t work anymore. Times have changes dramatically and now these are changing faster than ever. So every situation needs a specific strategy suited to the occasion. Don’t return anger with anger. Intimidation is freely used and abused. More importantly if you lose your cool, you will not be able to use tact to your advantage.

Further, you must not try to justify your actions and act defensively. This may only aggravate the problem. Acting defensively will make you weaker. The best strategy is let the opponent puff out their steam. Better sense will prevail sooner than later.

Lastly don’t ever try to win an argument. As they say when you win an argument, you lose a friend.

Thanks for reading.

Taste your words before you spit them out

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Anger

Anger is an emotion characterized by antagonism toward someone or something you feel has deliberately done you wrong. … It can give you a way to express negative feelings, for example, or motivate you to find solutions to problems. But excessive anger can cause problems – American Psychological Association

 The definition of anger changes from country to country, while in America, it is a way to express negative feelings, in India, as the culture goes, it is always advised to avoid anger.

The ancient Indian wisdom believes in not getting affected by people’s actions or reactions. Among the six enemies (Shad-Ripu) of human being, anger is one of the top most one. In Indian scenario, it is told to manage anger using different techniques. One such effective technique is meditation.

The question is all people do not get angry to the same extent, it majorly depends upon person’s temperament and the factors that affect him internally. But as per Indian ethos, anger has to be avoided, if you cannot avoid anger then the mind has to be trained in order to manage or control it. Because it hurts you more than anyone else and can lead to worst situations. It can even lead to a disastrous outcome.

 “Anger is just one letter short of danger. “

If you are angry, you are likely to get into a dangerous zone. The non thinking, reacting zone is very tempting while you are angry which may cause enormous harm to body and mind.

“Sometimes I get to a point of frustration that I just become silent.” Gorgeous Glendy

Getting silent while having a turmoil inside your heart is always dangerous. A turmoil may cause mental trouble and thereby impairing the capacity to think over an issue. As long as the silence helps you analyze the situation after a bout of frustration, it is a good sign. Finding out solution after understanding and analyzing the issue behind frustration is one of the processes of anger management.

If you study history of your anger you will find that there are some similarities to the situations which make you angry. Just because you are angry doesn’t mean that you can be cruel, which applies to parents and their behavior with their children. Parental cruelty laws are so strong in United States of America that parents will never do any kind of harm to their children, in case of any harm parents can be jailed. Some laws related to parental cruelty are here in India too but their application to different scenario is very less.

Forgive people in your life, even those who are not sorry for their actions.

In your circle there may be different types of people with different temperament and different cultural understandings. Keeping these three aspects in mind, and giving enough considerations, it is easy to forgive people even if they are not sorry for their actions. The educational background of the people you are dealing with also plays an important role. The exposure which they have got to the worldly situations may make them act in certain way hurting you unnecessarily, for this you have to analyze the situation and then forgive generously. Reacting would not help, acting wisely would help.

Holding onto anger, having a grudge is going to hurt you not them. Forgiving but not forgetting the wrong doing of the concerned person may prevent you from doing similar mistakes. People don’t change and if you make them feel that you forgive their wrong doings easily, the possibility is that they may take you for granted.

In situations like this you have to be assertive. Being assertive means expressing yourself without hesitation. Also acting, not reacting angrily. It is worthwhile to keep in mind that when you react, you loose your mind, when you act you use your mind.

Make your anger so expensive that people can’t afford it, make your happiness so cheap that people can almost get it free”

Nothing should deter you or shake you, it should be very difficult for people to make you angry. But if you are happy all the time, people will come closer to you to share your happiness which is a win win situation for you.

Be sure to taste your words before you spit them out.

This is one of the best ways to be alert while being in a situation which can make you angry. Always think of words which you are going to speak especially in provoking situation. The tongue has been made very strong by lord almighty, any wound on the tongue gets healed fast but the wounds tongue creates by speaking cannot be healed forever.

“You will not be punished for your anger; you will be punished by your anger.” – Budhdha

Your anger is an emotion, which has a very natural occurrence in your body, mind and soul. But if it stays for a longer time, it will punish you. The balance which generally exists between mind, body and soul can be totally disturbed by anger, which may prove dangerous over a course of time. So it is better to count 10 when you are angry to avoid the usage of harsh words and to avoid tossing the metal balance, at the whim of your emotion. It is foolish to expect someone suffer from your anger. As a famous saying goes,

“Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” – Budhdha

Never reply when you are angry, never make a promise when you are happy. Never make decision when you are sad.

If there is a situation where there is a negotiation and you get angry, just stop and say that you will come back on that point instead of speaking. This will prevent you from unnecessary stress and tension which may arise out of the discussion.

Anger is a feeling that makes your mouth work faster than your mind.

The mind thinks 10 times faster, when you are angry you speak without thinking.

Anger hurts therefore it is good to try and manage it effectively.

Analyze the reasons. Think about situations in the past when you became angry. Identify similarity of some reasons when you become angry. Understanding the bodily signs like perspiration, palpitations, throbbing headaches while being angry help you to prevent similar situations. Stop and think, think and speak, if there is a situation which is not so good, stop and think, repeat to yourself, take deep breath, slow breathing would make you feel better. All meditation techniques help ease out anger and makes you a calmer person overall. Practicing meditation is one of the prime solutions for winning over anger.

An advice:

ACT Never REACT.

When you ACT you use your mind when you REACT you loose your mind.

Thinking and Speaking is acting, avoiding reaction is always better.

If you practice this, keep on observing the situations, there would be a lot of improvement.

Remind yourself that Life is a continuous game, life is a continuous learning.

Thanks for reading.

8 Facets of Ruinous Anger

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Anger, we all know is of no avail. It serves no objective. It creates many problems, but offers no solution. Yet most of us get angry. What is Anger? And, why do we get angry? A good definition of Anger is- It is our response to anything happening which is totally against our wishes- something which is never expected.

  1. In fact, we get angry because of our own short comings. If we are not able to deal with someone efficiently, we get angry. If we are not able to fulfill our commitment, we get angry. If our boss gets upset; again we get angry. We also get angry because of our arrogance. Almost anything may hit our pride and the result is anger.
  2. Further, your junior repetitively makes a mistake, you get angry. You may even know that anger will not improve his conduct, yet, anger never abates. Your anger deteriorates his/her conduct. This makes an occasion for you to become even angrier. The victim may not show anything but will keep that in mind which is even worse.
  3. You boss fires you over the delay in completing something that you had committed. This results in bitterness which may graduate into hate. Instead of trying to draw a lesson, an easier solution is adopted- rage.
  4. The consequences of the dangerous emotion are known to all of us. If we contemplate and consider on these disastrous repercussions, will we ever do that? Perhaps yes! Bad habits die very hard.
  5. Buddha said that you will be punished by your anger and not the person on whom you get angry.
  6. Someone else said “speak when you are angry, and you will make the best speech you will ever regret”.
  7. Another clever man said that you should make your anger so expensive that no one can afford it; and make your happiness so cheap that people get it almost free.
  8. Bruce Lee said “A quick anger will make a fool of you soon enough”.

Anger ruins your chances of success. Success requires following the plan with a cool mind. It requires eye for details while doing the job which needs meticulous attention. But huff will not allow it to happen.

Above all, wrath ruins efficiency. Productivity suffers. Power of concentration is diminished. Even though you may be able to complete some tasks on time, this foolish emotion will come in between. The task gets delayed and you go into tantrums. Reputation suffers. You may have earned it bit by bit, but the blow is sudden. If you lose temper, your help to a person is erased all at once. If people consider you short tempered, they will avoid you as much as they can.

Anger spoils your gains often. You may be on the verge of receiving some benefits, gifts or gains but anger spoils it all.

Lastly, but more importantly; anger is bad for your health. It increases blood pressure which leads to hypertension. We all know that continuous hypertension eventually results in heart attacks.

So never get angry!

Thanks for reading.

Poise

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The Dictionary meaning of Poise is composure or self-possession or equilibrium.
Thus a poised person is self-assured and carries himself/herself gracefully and with dignity.
For human beings the difficulty arises due to emotions. If anything is not happening as per the expectation, the individual is likely to react in a way which is often irrational. Poise is difficult to maintain. However, the benefits are immense. A poised person is able to deal with all kinds of people calmly and elegantly.

poised person

How to maintain poise? Psychologists after research have come to certain conclusions, which I would like to reproduce below:

The biggest enemy of poise is anger. Everyone would agree that anger is not beneficial to the individual under any circumstances. A person gets angry due to uncomfortable situations due to uncomfortable situations or due to his/her own inadequacies to meet the situations. One may also get angry if someone insults or speaks in a manner which is unworthy. But with practice one can meet all challenges. They can remain cool in all circumstances but this will happen with consistent efforts and self awareness.

laughing

You should laugh with others even if joke is on you. Any sarcastic remarks can easily be laugh away. Apply mind to come out with the solution. This will happen if you take things in their straight.

Life is mixture of highs and lows. Good things are followed by challenges just like night falls after day the life does not offer a regular cycle like night and day. But both difficulties and happy moments are a part of everybody’s’ life. We need to be appreciated. Keep your spirit up even when things go wrong.

steve jobs

Ego is another enemy of poise. Unfortunately this malady is wide spread. It is found in most well-to-do people. Realizing that ego does not serve any purpose we should throw it out from our life.

Thanks for reading.

Enemies of Happiness 4

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Out of the 8 personality problems or 8 Enemies of Happiness in the personality, Anger is most damaging. Anger is an emotional response related to one’s psychological interpretation of having been threatened. At times the response could be volatile. Anger can have many physical and mental consequences. The ability to take right decision is impaired. Unabated continuous anger can cause he decks, migraines, chest pains etc. over a long period anger results in high blood pressure, depression and heart related diseases.

control on anger3

So we all agree that anger must be avoided to remain fit n fine. But how do we do that. I am listening below some suggestions which I do not claim can totally eradicate your anger, but they are helpful. If practiced with a positive attitude and consistently they can defiantly mitigate anger and control minds of very short tempered people. The suggestions are as follows.

1.  The first step is to control your speech. Anger is an emotion which will be difficult to handle but speech is something which is comparatively easier to control. Once you practice control of your speech you will also be practicing how to maintain a positive body language also. With the speech and body language under control you will be able to handle even difficult people efficiently. This will result in reduction of the occasions for you to lose your temper.

control on anger

2. Smile is a very simple antidote to anger. So therefore keep a smiling face.

control on anger2

3. Meditation is also helpful.

control on anger1

4. Yogic exercises everyday will cool down your temperament.

control on anger5

5. When you are angry go to a quiet place- a sea shore or a garden and have a quiet walk.

control on fear

6. Start listening to soft music that you like.

control on anger4

Finally ask yourself: why do I get angry? Is it helping in any way? Am I achieving any objective whatever it may be?

You will find the answer to all the above questions is simple ‘No’. Therefore you must decide ‘Not to get angry at all’. Keep on repeating these questions and decision every day until you find that your temper is cooling down.

Thanks for reading.emotional response

Enemies of Happiness

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In my last posting I had mention that as a 1st step we must identify enemies of our Happiness. These are broadly speaking of two types.

  1. Enemies of happiness residing within ourselves.
  2. Enemies outside. These could be people; this could be a tasks which you don’t like or environment.

In today’s posting I like to tell you about enemies of Happiness which are within are our own selves. I have listed eight. There could be more. Based on these 8 you can prepare your own list. Because Happiness is of prime importance to all of us, we must apply our mind deeply to correct the situation. Following is the list of enemies of Happiness residing in our own Body and Soul.

 

  1. Anger                                 5. Attachment
  2. Fear                                    6. Hesitation  
  3. Jealousy                          7. Procrastination
  4. Indecision                      8. Greed

 

Today I will talk about 1st four i.e. Anger, Fear, Jealousy and Indecision.

anger1  fear1

jealousy  hesitation2

My personal experience and those of my students who have shared with me reaffirm that these four enemies are big Happiness Spoilers in our lives. In order to have appropriate benefit of our discussion, I suggest that you may mentally go through the pages of the book of your life. Then identify which were the moments when these four villains have spoiled your happy moments.

I received a mail from one of my readers to shorten my blog. I ‘ll talk to you further on this tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.